There is a relationship that will wear you out, stress you out, and rob you of well-being, peace, and rest. What relationship is that you ask? It’s any relationship that is based on “performance” to gain approval or acceptance.  Over the past four years in my pursuit toward rest and life balance one of my closest relationships has been with my colleague, confidant, and friend Jon Fugler. Jon has been my sounding board, brother in Christ, and has provided much wisdom, counsel, and encouragement, and has been instrumental in helping me flesh out the development of The Rest Stop. We took many walks together grappling with the subject of following Jesus on a performance based versus a grace-based basis. Jon recently published his book “Silence Your inner Pharisee” Ditch Performance and Embrace Radical Freedom in Christ. I highly recommend you get a copy.

During our frequent walks we wrestled through and asked ourselves, “Why do so many Christ followers start out well but don’t finish well and get caught up in legalistic practices and a performance-based lifestyle that doesn’t produce joy, drains them, and leaves them feeling lifeless and empty?” Both of us write frequently to address this question and offer biblical solutions.

The entire Gospel is based on a grace-based relationship with God rather than a relationship based on rules, regulations, and performance. This is exactly what the Apostle Paul warned against when he wrote to the Galatians in chapter 1, “I marvel that you are turning away so soon from Him who called you in the grace of Christ, to a different gospel, which is not another; but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ.”  The whole epistle of Galatians is Paul squashing the notion and attempt on the part of the Jews to have gentile believers go back to living under the law instead of grace.

 Weather it’s your relationship as a follower of Jesus or your earthly relationships with others, performance-based relationships are exhausting. They drain you. They will steal your joy, peace, and rest. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works (insert performance) lest anyone should boast.”

Ask yourself, in your relationship with your spouse, children, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ is your relationship and acceptance of them the least bit performance based? If so, you are contributing to the problem. Are you involved in any unhealthy toxic relationships where the only way you gain approval and acceptance is if you follow their prescribed behavior and set of rules? It may be time to jettison those relationships. Have you in any way fallen into a pattern of performance, thinking that God will accept you only if you _______ (fill in the blank). Recognize your condition and reorient yourself back to the true gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s not about rules and regulations it’s about relationship. This is exactly what Jesus meant when he said, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

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