Ever notice folks have the tendency to talk about others rather than talking to them? Nothing frosts me more than finding out someone has an issue with me and rather than coming to me directly, they go to someone else and air their complaint in hopes it will get back to me. That is a non-starter for me and if I find out about it, will be addressed and dealt with swiftly.

Why do so many people have such a tough time simply talking to one another? I can understand some may be intimidated or feel they don’t have the verbal skills to navigate certain conversations. Others simply want to avoid conflict but still want to get things off of their chest. That’s not a valid reason. Others are insecure, jealous, envious or threatened. Some gossip for attention or to get a reaction.

Then there are those who have an agenda. This is where motive comes into play. They talk about you instead of to you so they can manipulate the narrative by tearing you down in order to build themselves up and look good at your expense. The intent is to discredit, gossip, or slander.

Scripture tells us therefore laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. One verse says, they wander about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies saying things which they ought not.

The only reason to talk about someone is to brag on them and say something good and uplifting. The moment talk about others shifts to tearing them down, you’ve moved to gossip.

There are things you can do to stop gossip. But before mentioning those the first thing to do is to make sure you yourself are talking to others and not about them. Examine your own heart and motives. Watch your own actions and attitude. Don’t be a part of gossip, stop it dead in its tracks. The moment someone says something about another person – you can stop it by saying “This sounds like gossip; you should go to the person directly.

When others talk about you instead of to you. You could do nothing. As you can probably detect, that’s not particularly my bent. But doing nothing is an option, and quite frankly a noble one at that. Though you may be tempted to act out or confront the person, sometimes the best response is to ignore gossip if it’s against you.

If someone comes to you and says, “So and so said this about you, I thought you should know.” Your first question should be, “How did you know this was going around?” or “What did you say when they were spreading that rumor?” You may even simply ask, “Why are you telling me this?”  

Proverbs 26 says, where there is no wood the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer or gossip strife ceases. As charcoal is to burning coals and wood is to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife.” Remember the old Smokey the Bear campaign with the slogan, “Only you can prevent forest fires.”? Want to prevent and extinguish the fires of gossip? Don’t give it any fuel.

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